20/20 Hindsight

I don't know who I was kidding with that last blog. Although I can't stop thinking about the girl and what my baby would've looked like, deep down, I was relieved that I wasn't going to be a father. As much as it pains me, I have to admit that. I mean, seriously, who am I kidding?! I'm still raising myself! Moreover, I'm doing a piss poor job of that. I'm not saving for the future. I'm still living paycheck to paycheck. I have no ambitions. No goals. I'm not even too sure what makes me happy anymore or if I truly ever knew.

So no more brooding. We move on. We push forward. We do all the optimistic crap my friends (Tyger and Bubbles)* always tell me to do. I'm gonna take a vacation next week. Just for me. Just to see if I still know how to enjoy myself. Hopefully, it doesn't involve too many bars or too many gallons of beer but I seriously doubt that. Beer is the cornerstone of a good time for me. I might even try my hand at a few poker tables. As a matter of fact, I'm dying to find some poker action because I need to test out a theory. As the saying goes:

"Lucky at cards, unlucky in love."

If that is even slightly accurate then I should be a natural at poker. Even if I'm not, I love playing that game so it stands to reason that I should play for fun. Who knows? I might even win me some rent money.

All that aside, I still can't get my mind off of that girl. She vowed that she and I would never have sex again. If you don't know anything about me, the word "never" just makes me lock on to you like a cruise missile! It's one of my character flaws.

1) Always want what I can't have.
2) Don't know what I have until it's gone.
3) I always end up hurting what I love.

What's worse, they usually go off like dominoes. They set off a chain reaction that often leaves people (and me) in tears. However, now that the word, "never" was used, I want it even more; I want her even more. It's pure lust, I know but I can't resist.

UGH! What is wrong with me? Man, I can't wait for that vacation time! I don't know where I'm gonna go but I need to get away. Play some games, drink some beers and, God-willing, fuck some other chicks. As I always say: Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one!

*You know who you are!