Shining Armor

I keep falling off my horse. Keep wanting to write but don't. I do so even when I have all the F'N time in the world to do so. God! Maybe procrastination is a freakin' disease! Wishful thinking, I know. Were it a disease or disorder of some kind, there would already be a pill with it's own commercial that would air during a broadcast of CSI or during Letterman or something. No. Procrastination is just me being lazy. So much for writing once a week. I mean, it's not like I don't have anything to write about. I've been caught up in a frenzy of emotions. None of them are my own. As usual, I've fallen victim to the prowess of my attributes. Namely, I've been problem solving. Not the mathematics kind (although there was a shitload of money involved) but the emotional and, dare I say, spiritual kind. Hell! I'm still trying to solve some of them. Some are my own. Most are not. Some aren't even problems at all (in my eyes, that is) while others are just a little too ridiculous to mention but I'll mention them anyway so as not to hide anything.

1. My Tyger, who now lives a few states away, is a bit upset that I do not call her.


2. Daisy is in love but with someone that clearly wasn't ready for her and, truth be told, she isn't completely ready for it either.


3. In saving Dolly's ass with a ridiculous money loan, I left my ass unprotected.


4. I need a fucking vacation!


5. I need to get laid often on this fucking vacation! (Seriously! I think I'm going to kill someone if I don't!)


6. My job is a dead end job but there isn't anything better out there so I have to suck it up.


7. I have yet to complete any paperwork that would entitle me to my GI Bill benefits.


8. Bills, bills, bills.


9. I have a bar tab again.


10. I still haven't found my old man.

Those are just some to name a few. Sometimes I forget about a problem until I come across it again. Sometimes, people come find me for help. I'm a sucker for that one. I love playing the Knight in Shining Armor far too much to stop helping others and putting their problems before mine. I mean, you're taught that growing up. Be generous. Be helpful. Moreover, I'm Catholic. That whole "Do unto others..." thing gets drilled into your psyche if you're paying attention.

Truth is, I have to start being selfish, if only a little, so I can help me help myself. However, I don't know if I can and deep down, I really don't want to. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: I live to serve.

Conception

I have a great idea for a story. I've had it for quite sometime but it all just started to piece itself together last night for some reason. I've been brainstorming and recording random ideas on my voice recorder for a few weeks now so I feel like I've got the necessary tools to write an outline and a rough draft of the first three chapters or so. What's more...it's not the original story I started to write and it's not the short story (The Believer) that I started writing two months ago either. In fact, when you look at it from a different perspective, it's an entirely new storyline I've somehow managed to conceive. I don't know where it came from but I'm gonna ride it out. Sometimes you have to go where you're creativity takes you. So, that being said, I'm well on my way to writing something that, well, something that I think I'm truly going to enjoy. I'm going to create my very own universe. I'm SO in love with that idea!

The biggest roadblock I have in front of me now is simply fatigue. It's difficult to write at work. It's even a bigger challenge to write afterwards when I'm dead to the world and by the time I wake up, I lose that vital train of thought; I lose my creative path, so to speak. I guess I just have to find a proper rhythm to the writing and I'll be fine.

I really want to get this done though! So often, I start a project and never finish. I get hit with a burst of inspiration and then, half way through the "putting the ideas to paper" process, I get distracted and stray from the path so much that I lose sight of what I was trying to create. This time, I have something that seems beautiful to me and I want to share it with the world. I hope to God I can keep focused.

However, it probably doesn't help matters much that I'm gonna go to the movies after this to watch Tron: Legacy and then take a long ass nap right after, does it?