The Answer to the Question

Understand this. I know the answer. I really do. I've known it for a long time but have chosen not to voice it because everyone will give me shit for it. Hell! Those that asked the question and heard the answer have cocked their heads to one side and given me that look. You know the one. The one that screams the question in their heads; "Are you fucking crazy?!" Sometimes, I can almost hear it in my head as if it was a psychic attack of some sort.

So what is the question, you ask? Ok. I'll tell you. The question is:
What do you want to do with your life?

Sounds like a simple one to answer right? You could ask a number of kindergarteners that question and receive a plethora of answers ranging from highly ambitious to wonderfully amusing. Ask me that and you might get a chuckle out of my answer too. That is, until you realize I'm being fucking serious.

My answer:
Nothing.

I don't just want to wither away and die. However, I really don't have any ambition to do anything except maybe write. However, like most would-be writers, I end up spending more time daydreaming about things to write instead of actually putting pen to paper. So, to clarify, it's not that I necessarily want to do be a professional vagabond. It's just that I'm disinclined to commit to anything at the moment. Sound fucked up?

I heard once somewhere that a guy stops maturing at the age where he was truly happy. If that's the case, I have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. I was content with writing short stories, playing video games, reading comics and chasing skirts for the first time in my life. Looking back, I can honestly say that's the "nothing" I want to do with my life.

See why I get those looks now?

Normally, I'd be concerned about this. I'd go to a psychiatrist and he or she would tell me that I have to find my inner child and give it a strong dose of Ritalin. But FUCK THAT SHIT!

I've seen far too many people who have become slaves and zombies to their jobs because they don't know how to unwind; there are people that go to college for years and get a degree in something all to say, "Hey! This isn't what I wanted to do in my life!" While I know it's foolish to waste time, I don't want to end up like that. I won't.

I'm content now. Not truly happy but content. I like my comics and my video games. I'll raise a family eventually. Maybe if I find a girl who's just as into the doing nothing as I am. Until then, I'll keep dating all the dead-end crazy chicks I seem to attract with strange mutant power. Maybe I will go back to college if it suits me. Hell! I might even pen that first novel I've been saying I'm going to start...um, penning. I don't know. All I do know is that I'm not having anywhere near as much fun as I need to be having. I also know, that I can't be the only one thinking the same way.

I wonder if there's a way to do "nothing" responsibly? Work hard and be responsible whilst not losing that precious inner child.

I know the answer to the question. I never said it was the right one but it's the only one I've got at the moment.